Father’s Day Fashion Fiasco: Canada’s Underwear Apocalypse Hits Hard
Ottawa, June 15, 2025 — “Hang in there guys, Father’s Day is coming”—has become the rallying cry for a movement of dads who claim their dignity is hanging by a thread....
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Carney Declares Some Islamic Values Canadian, But Not the Barbaric Ones
Ottawa, June 8, 2025 — Mark Carney, in a move that baffled everyone, announced that "some" Islamic values are now Canadian, but not all...
Emergency Room Doctor Reprimanded for Posting About Long Wait Times
Toronto, June 10, 2025, 10:17 AM EDT — In a shocking turn of events, Dr. Tim "Triage" Thompson was slapped with a reprimand after tweeting about the glacial pace of his ER’s wait times. “Patients waiting 12 hours for a Band-Aid—send help or maple syrup,” he quipped, only to find himself in hot water with hospital brass, who apparently prefer their scandals silent and their coffee cold.
The hospital issued a stern statement: “We value discretion over truth, especially when it involves admitting our ER looks like a Tim Hortons line on a double-double sale.” Thompson, undeterred, responded with a follow-up post: “Next time, I’ll just prescribe patience and a side of poutine.” Sources say he’s now under review for “excessive Canadian charm.”
Meanwhile, patients have taken to X with #WaitTimeWoes, sharing stories of bonding with strangers over shared misery and debating if the ER should offer loyalty cards. “Five visits, get a free cast!” one user joked. Health officials, red-faced, are reportedly drafting a memo to ban humor in healthcare—because nothing says “caring” like a straight face.
Carney Welcomes to Canada the Leaders of the World's Top Democracies, Plus a Bunch of Dictators
Kananaskis, Alberta, June 12, 2025, 09:17 AM EDT — Prime Minister Mark Carney, fresh off his minority mandate victory, has rolled out the red carpet for the G7 summit in Kananaskis, Alberta, from June 15-17, inviting the world’s top democrats—and a rogue’s gallery of dictators for good measure. In a move that’s equal parts diplomacy and desperation, Carney’s guest list reads like a who’s who of global leaders, with a side of “who invited the strongmen?”
Official invites went to the usual suspects: U.S. President Donald Trump, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer, and French President Emmanuel Macron, all set to discuss peace, trade, and how to politely ignore Trump’s latest tariff tantrum. But then came the curveballs—India’s Narendra Modi, Saudi Arabia’s Mohammed bin Salman, and a maybe from Mexico’s Claudia Sheinbaum, whose RSVP is apparently still lost in the mail. Carney defended the eclectic mix, saying, “We need big economies and bigger egos at the table—plus, it’s a great chance to trade maple syrup for oil.”
Critics are aghast. “This isn’t a summit; it’s a dictator dating game!” quipped one opposition MP, noting the irony of hosting a “democracy fest” with leaders linked to murder allegations and human rights headaches. Posts on X suggest Canadians are split between amusement and outrage, with some joking, “Next year, let’s invite Kim Jong Un for the karaoke.” Carney, unfazed, promised “robust discussions” on AI, wildfires, and how to dodge awkward handshakes.
Security in the remote Rockies is tighter than a beaver’s grip, with 20,000 Mounties on standby to ensure no one challenges Trump to a duel or Modi to a poutine-eating contest. Rumors swirl that Carney’s planning a group photo with everyone wearing toques, hoping to unite the free world and the not-so-free under a blanket of Canadian politeness. Will it work? Stay tuned—spoiler: probably not.
Words of Wisdom
Take everything with a grain os salt